Love or Just Sex
by mabelreid
Summary: Set just after "100" Emily shows up at Reid's hotel room during a case, but what does she really want?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: see my profile**

**A/n hey all... this is something I wrote months ago but never posted. I dug it out today and decided to post. This takes place soon after "100" Thanks to you all in advance for your kind support.**

He sat on the double bed with crime scene pictures spread around his bed. He couldn't concentrate though. His knee hurt, and his worry over Hotch consumed his famous concentration. He couldn't stop turning over statistics about burnout in the FBI in his head.

The knock on the door startled him into kicking out his bad leg, which knocked the photos to the floor in an untidy heap. He struggled to his feet, and ignored the stabbing pain in his leg until his knee locked up and he nearly took a header into the dresser.

"I'm coming," He told the door as a second louder knock sounded at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It me," she said.

Emily knocking on his door at midnight on a case was weird. He stood staring at the door until she shouted irritably "Are you going to let me in?"

Her dark eyes were shadowed when he opened the door. Her hair was a little mussed, which puzzled him because Emily prided herself on her appearance.

"What's wrong?"

She pushed the door shut and went to the bed. She sat down and kicked off her boots.

"Emily?"

He stayed near the door because she'd likely realize that this wasn't the place she needed, or wanted to be. She'd leave, carrying her boots in her hand.

"I can't sleep." She said.

"Oh…Did you know that sixty percent of all adults suffer from some form of insomnia. It ranges between taking more than twenty minutes to fall asleep, to staying up every night for weeks on end. Studies have shown that -"

"Reid… I don't want to hear statistics. I _want_ to talk. Can we _just_ talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

He should go sit next to her on the hideous pea green bedspread. His feet wouldn't move in that direction because there was something in her eyes that made him edgy.

"Do I have to have a specific topic?" She was saying as he stood there watching her every move.

"No, um I guess you don't, but I don't know what you want me to say."

"I can't stop thinking about Hotch and how he lost Haley. I can still hear the gunshots. Poor little Jack."

He didn't like how tentative his steps were as he walked toward her, because this was just Emily, not a stranger. She was his friend and yet he couldn't think of the right thing to say.

Her eyes moved up to capture his eyes. The pleading in their depths stopped him in his tracks. His palms began to sweat.

"Ah… yeah, it was really sad. I hope he's okay." He replied so lamely that he wished the floor would open up and swallow him.

She sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Reid. Why don't I just go?"

He was surprised when his hand, seemingly of its own accord, reached out to snag the sleeve of her dark blue blouse. "Don't go. I'm sorry I -" He stopped, let go of her blouse and shook his head. "I'm not good at this."

The deep, dark, depths of her eyes suddenly gave him courage to do something he'd wanted to do for months. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

She didn't pull away, slap him upside the head or worse, and laugh at him. One of her hands reached up and tangled in his long hair as he pulled away. They were so close he could see a tiny freckle on the left side of her nose he'd never noticed. He couldn't take his eyes off it as his breathing slowed and synchronized with her breaths.

Her free hand reached up and stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep the scent of her that reminded him of newly baked bread for some reason. His mouth began to water.

"I think you're doing just fine." She said.

He didn't open his eyes because it was better to imagine that this moment was happening in a dream. If he didn't see her eyes, he could live in the moment, in the fantasy that was teasing out a reaction from his heart and body.

"Reid… Please look at me."

He opened his eyes. Her fingers, still tangled in his hair, massaged his head in a way that sent shivers down his spine. He lifted his gaze to her eyes. The sorrow in them had retreated just a little bit, but she still reminded him of someone that needed sleep. He knew the feeling very well.

"Emily, it's getting late. You're probably just tired. Did you know that lack of sleep reduces reflex time?"

"Don't ask me to leave." She interrupted.

His hands began to shake. He wanted to touch her, as he'd never wanted to touch anyone in his life. He reached up and stroked a finger over her cheek, relishing in the satin smooth texture.

"Hmm…" She sighed, tugging on his hair so that his face stopped just inches from her lips.

He felt the beat of his heart begin to pound; it thudded like the hooves of a racehorse on the track. Her lips touching his mouth silenced the rush of air between his teeth. He jerked, and pulled back in surprise.

"Its okay, Spencer." She moved her hand from his face, brushing back his hair behind his ear and tangling it in his hair like her right hand.

"I don't -"

He stopped talking because if he didn't, he'd say something inappropriate to the situation starting with the words "Emily… Did you know?" She wouldn't want to hear it and he didn't want to ruin it.

When she pulled away from him and dropped her hands from his hair, his eyes popped open in utter surprise. "Emily?"

"Why don't you sit down? You're leg must be hurting."

He looked down at his leg and wondered why it was that his knee didn't hurt at that minute. He said, "Ah… Yeah… It kind of hurts."

She smiled. "I thought so. Sit down."

He went to the edge of the bed and sat down. "I thought you wanted to talk." He squeaked.

"Yes, I did want to talk to you, but I suddenly have the need for something else entirely. Do you think you can help me?"

He didn't know what to say to that because his whole attention was on the fact that her fingers were working the buttons on her shirt. His heart rate began to skyrocket again as her blouse fell to the floor. He liked the black lace bra she wore. It lay against her creamy skin, making his hands jealous that they weren't touching her and relishing in the feel of her skin.

His mouth worked, but he couldn't make words come out. The connection between his brain and his mouth seemed to have fused like a burned out electrical wire. Every fact, every statistic, every reason why this was so wrong and out of character for his friend fled from his brain like fleas from the cooling corpse of a dog.

"Are you paying attention?" She asked him.

He nodded. She straddled his lap and pushed him on his back. "I'm not sensing the right level of enthusiasm."

He couldn't take his eyes off her breasts, hidden from him in black lace. His hands, moving on their own reached up to touch the rough fabric.

"You like tits, Spencer."

He nodded again. He let his fingers roam over the lace, feeling its slightly rough texture and wondering how it could be comfortable for her to wear.

She sighed and ground her hips into his groin. "I was right about your magic hands."

His half-aroused length hardened to full vigor under the undulations of her hips. "Mmm… Emily." He sighed breathlessly as she stared down at him with burning eyes.

His hands fumbled with great exasperation at the clasp of her bra. He cursed the clumsiness of his hands as his face flamed hot. She'd think him an inexperienced jerk if he couldn't take off her bra.

She leaned down and kissed him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth just the way he wanted to thrust into her heat. His erection hurt from pressing against the zipper of his corduroys and his hands tingled to touch her skin. She reached around, pushed his hands away and unclasped her bra. It finally slid off as she let him come up for much needed air.

"I'm sorry." He gasped.

She shook her finger at him as if he was a naughty schoolchild. "Shut up and touch me, Dr. Reid."

His eager hands, steady now that he could see the flesh hidden from him by that black lace, grasped both her breasts. The skin, soft as silk slid through his fingers. His thumbnails scraped her nipples and she gasped aloud. Emboldened by her liking of the touch, he pinched the hardening nipples between his fingers, tugging hard as her back arched and she groaned.

"Spencer!"

Her cry sent pleasure from his gut to his aching erection. "Emily…"

One of her hands reached down and pulled on his zipper, very slowly as he filled his mouth with one of her heaving breasts. She cried out his name again while he tasted the sweet honey texture of her skin on his tongue. He lapped it up like cream from a china bowl, relishing the texture in his mouth.

"Yes," she sighed. "Oh that's nice."

He released her nipple reluctantly when she pulled back a little. "As much as I like that magic mouth of yours, you're wearing way too may clothes." She slid off him and began to remove his clothing down to his mismatched socks, which she left in place.

"Why?" He asked as she climbed back on him.

"I like them and you said they're good luck."

Now his face flamed red hot and he couldn't look at her. It didn't matter because she wound her hands back into his hair and engulfed him in wet heat.

"God, Emily," his hips lifted off the bed thrusting up into her as she swayed over him.

Her hands slid up and down his bare chest as they moved in concert. "Harder." She demanded.

He didn't like this position. He couldn't lift into her wet folds at such an odd angle so he decided to flip her over onto her back.

"Hey…"

"Shh…" He put a finger to his lips and sank deeper into her.

"Now that's better," She grinned. "Are you sure your knee doesn't hurt."

"No. I don't want to talk about it." He dropped his head and licked at her rock hard nipples as he thrust into her with renewed vigor, rocking the headboard of the bed back into the wall.

"Spencer." Her hands found his hips and her nails dug into his skin.

He answered the sting with harder thrusts into her wet heat. Pleasure built up into his gut like the crescendo of song. His hurt knee ached as he rocked forward, but the way she clenched around him drowned out everything but the building orgasm. She captured his mouth and sucked on his tongue as her inner muscles clenched around him. She released his tongue, dug her nails into his back and cried out his name. His thrusts sped to a frantic pace and orgasm erupted like blood from a sliced artery.

CMCMCM

He opened his eyes three hours later to find that Emily wasn't there. He switched on the lamp, blinked his eyes against the sudden light and looked around the small room. She wasn't there. How could she not be there? He reached for the robe he'd left thrown over the chair, but hadn't worn that night, and tugged it on. She wasn't in the bathroom either.

He limped back to the bed and sat. She must have left after he'd fallen into exhausted sleep. He looked over at his phone on the small table in the corner. Should he call her? What if he did call her and she told him what he already suspected?

He decided instead to get dressed and go get coffee. He'd pretend that everything was normal because it had to be normal. After all, he hadn't promised her anything and she hadn't promised him anything in return.

In the middle of his thoughts, his phone buzzed. He snatched it up, hoping it would be her and they could talk, but it was Morgan's ring.

"Hey… We caught a break in the case, man."

"Give me fifteen minutes."

He shut his phone, and looked around the room again as if Emily might materialize out of the wood paneling on the wall.

He sighed, swallowed hard against the wrench in his gut and got up for a quick shower. He didn't know what he was going to do when he saw her again, but one thing was clear, she'd used him for comfort and he'd have to live with it. It wasn't love it was just sex.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

_**A/n... because some of you asked nicely, I've decided to carry on with this story. Thank you all for your support. You're all the best.**_

_Damn it! _Reid cursed quietly under his breath after nearly slipping and plunging head first down the stairs from the jet. He stopped, took a firmer grip on the handrail and his cane, and resumed his downward descent. Every step jolted his knee and sent pain like fire licking up his thigh.

_Overwork,_ he thought as he stepped off the last stair to the tarmac below. _Not overwork, _he brain argued, _you should have kept your zipper up last night, instead of your dick._

His car seemed like it was a million miles away as he limped heavily through the cold night air. He shivered, pulled his coat around his thin body and moved as fast as he could.

"Reid."

He stopped out of sheer habit and almost turned around to answer, but then he remembered the night before and he resumed his course to his car without a response.

He heard the clatter of her heels on the tarmac and wished he could break into a run. Thank God, the rest of the team was already gone, so he didn't have to play nice with her.

"Reid."

She grabbed one of his arms. He yanked away from her and almost fell, again. Emily's face was pink from the cold and her dark eyes pulled him in before he could stop it. His heart started to race so that he breathed heavily into the dark night, raising steam into the breeze.

"I'm tired and not in the mood."

Emily glanced down at his bad leg. He tapped his can impatiently as more pain radiated through his knee. He just wanted his pain pills, a cup of coffee and bed, alone.

"Reid, please let me say -"

"I don't want to hear it."

He held up his hand as though it could ward off anything she wanted to say. Her eyes began to spark a little, which gratified him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"What did you think would happen?" His voice ended on a squeak. "Did you think I'd just wake up and say, 'oh well, at least we had a fun night?"

Emily crossed her arms and gloved hands over her chest. "It's freezing out here, Reid. Can we go somewhere and talk."

"Oh, I don't think so, Emily. The last time we 'talked,' he made quotation marks with his hand, "we had sex. I'm not in the mood."

"Don't shout at me."

He layered ice, colder than the wind, into his voice. "Don't get angry with me. You're the one that showed up at my hotel room, seduced me -"

"I didn't seduce you."

"Seduced me," He interrupted with a sneer. "Then you left me alone. How do you expect me to feel?"

"I'm sorry," she tried to take his hand, but he flinched away. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Look, Emily, I get what happened. I understand the psychology of grief. It can make us do things we don't mean. Why don't we just chalk it up to a learning experience and leave it?"

She didn't answer for so long that he turned around and limped off in the direction of his car. He refused to turn and look at her when he reached his ancient Volvo. The wind jacked up and whined so loud, he probably couldn't hear her unless she shouted, which was okay. He levered into the car, almost screamed at the pain in his knee and stuck the key in the ignition. She was still standing there staring at him when he drove away and he thought the next few days were going to be hell.

CMCMCMCM

Emily almost slammed the door behind her. _How dare he be so self-righteous? He didn't say no. He was as eager as a teenage boy with his first crush._

_Oh but sex with Spencer Reid wasn't at all what you expected. He definitely has skills even if he doesn't know it. _

She stood just inside the door to her place with her bag hanging loosely in one hand as she thought about that night. Yes, he had skills and his hands - she shook her head and dropped her bag.

_You had better keep it as a fond memory because he'll never let you get that close again. _She stopped, after taking just few steps toward her kitchen. _Why do you think you'll get that close again? That night was just for the sex, right. _

_Oh God, this is not good._

Suddenly, her appetite was completely gone, and a different hunger took up residence in her gut. She took a couple steps toward the little liquor cabinet in one corner of her living room, and then decided that tea was better.

An hour later, she was stretched out in bed trying to go to sleep, but it wouldn't come. Hypnos was ignoring her that night, so she turned over and stared at the opening in the curtains at her window. She listened to the wind moaning around the corner of her building.

_It's going to snow by morning._

She turned over and stared at the strip of orange streetlight on the wall next to her bedroom door. _Remember going to sleep last night with his arms around you. He smelled like coffee and happiness. Why did you leave? You could've stayed there. You could be with him now._

She turned over on her back and began to count slowly to one hundred while breathing in and out, and somewhere in the middle, she fell asleep. The dream came so subtly, she didn't realize it was a dream until it was too late.

_She stood in front of her bedroom window looking out at the wind pushing huge snowflakes around and down to the ground. The trees and the streets were already covered in white. The wind sculpted the snow into drifts around the streets and against the building as the wind howled with a mournful sound that hurt her heart. _

_Someone reached around her; through the thin silk robe, she wore open over her bare body. His long, beautiful fingers cupped her breasts. "Spencer…" _

_He ignored her breathless voice and kissed her neck, licking over her carotid artery as though he were a vampire tasting his next meal. She arched her neck, as she went wet and groaned. "Touch me." _

_He slid one hand done her torso and let it rest on her abdomen. Gooseflesh popped up on her skin and sweat on her forehead. His head loomed over her shoulder, his mouth busy at her neck licking and kissing. She was wet and throbbing for him, but he wouldn't lower the hand at her waist. _

"_Please, Spencer, I need you." _

_He held her tighter at the waist and nipped at her collarbone. She gasped and arched against him. He was hard at her back and his breath panted in her ear, but he didn't speak and he didn't try to touch her where she wanted. _

"_Spencer." _

_Suddenly, he said in a voice that was familiar and alien at the same time. "Bitch," and spun her around in his arms. She raised her eyes to his face and screamed. _

"_Whore," Tobias Henkel spat at her. _

_He shoved her across the room and into a chair. She landed awkwardly, and nearly fell off the hard wooden seat. She gasped in pain as he went to the other person sitting across from her. She pushed her hair back with a shaking hand and heaved out another scream. _

_She was in the shack where he'd held Reid. The air reeked with something that smelled like burnt fish, fresh urine and body order. She almost gagged and cried as Reid lifted his head to look at her. His eyes were utterly dead. _

"_Tell her why she's here." _

_Spencer's stare never wavered from her. "She's a sinner," he croaked. _

"_What is her crime?"_

"_She used her womanly wiles to seduce me into sins of the flesh." _

_Rafael stepped back into the light with a gun in his hand. "What is this?" _

_Reid's eyes flicked left. "It's the will of God." _

"_Choose," Rafael ordered. He spun the revolver's chamber and slammed it home. _

"_I choose Emily Prentiss." _

"_No, Spencer." _

"_You have been judged." _

_Rafael pointed the gun at her and the barrel looked huge from her seat. "The sentence is death." _

"_No…" _

_The explosion of the gun was much too bright. She flinched and found she stood in front of Cyrus's burning church compound. She breathed in and choked on the smoke that hung on the air. The acrid smell was terrifying. _

"_Morgan, Reid…" _

_She couldn't see them. "Morgan." _

_The big man stepped out of the smoke and relief washed over her until she realized that Reid wasn't with him. "Reid, Morgan… Where is he?"_

_Morgan grabbed her arms as she screamed at him. _

"_He's gone Emily. It's your fault." _

_No! She backed away from him and ran into someone. She turned to see Hotch standing there glowering so hard she flinched. "He's dead because of you, Emily. I'll never forgive you." _

"_No. It's not my fault."_

_She turned and Rossi stood in her way. "Why couldn't you just love him?"_

"_Rossi I -" _

_Garcia was there, tears dropping from under her glasses. "He was my best friend, Emily. He loved you. If you'd told him, he'd have made it out. I hate you." _

_JJ stood on the other side of Hotch, her hands on her pregnant belly. "I was going to ask him to be my baby's Godfather. Now what do I do? Spence was my friend too. Why couldn't you love him?" _

_They pushed her around in a circle like children playing a game of disorientation. She spun around, faster and faster. She fell, much farther then she expected, and then the ground was beneath her feet. She tried to scream but nothing came out of her throat. Her eyes opened and it was black night again. _

She gasped and retched over the side of her bed, but nothing came up. It was just dry heaves. She got up and went to the window, putting her foreheadthe glass to cool it. Snow fell in large flakes pushed around by the wind. She expected hands to grasp her, but nothing happened.

Spencer wasn't there and it was her fault. She went to the bathroom, flinching against the harsh yellow light. She tried to calm her shaking hands with a glass of water, but the cool liquid didn't help. She stood staring into the mirror and watched as her eyes stayed blank and shocked.

It was a hell of a message from her subconscious, but what to do about it. She used the toilet, washed her hands and threw cold water on her face. She had to talk to someone, but the problem was that she couldn't talk to anyone on the team.

She went back to bed and lay there staring at the clock, which told it was three in the morning. She got up again and went downstairs for more tea. She'd never sleep again and she had to figure out what to do next.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n once again, thanks to all who support this story. Please enjoy the next chapter._ **

He couldn't get her face right. It was as though his charcoal pencil was fighting with his desires, reminding him of how she'd hurt him. _Yes, why are you sketching her? She left you in the middle of the night like you were some paid gigolo_

He turned his pad of white drawing paper around to lie horizontal on the drawing slope he'd bought years ago. It looked better from this angle, but it still wasn't right.

His eyes burned from lack of sleep and his head ached fiercely, but he couldn't stop thinking about the night before last_, _and everything she'd said and done to him. It was like some wonderful dream or fantasy.

_Fantasies don't get up and leave in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. Face it; you were used, so stop trying to rationalize it. _

He raised the pencil again, and began to shade in her eyes at the corners. She smiled at him in the drawing and he almost smiled back at her. He added a little more definition to her shoulders and to her fingers.

_Just rip it up and throw it away. You don't need her and she's made it clear she doesn't need you. _

He made her hair darker and drew it longer than it was in real life so that it hung down to the tops of her breasts. One finger reach out to touch one of the nipples he'd drawn, and he remembered what it felt like in his hands, turgid and warm.

_Stop it! _

It was impossible to stop working on the only nude he'd ever attempted to draw. The subject matter was too tempting. He hesitated then let his finger drift down to shade in the dark at the apex of her thighs. She lay on her side in the picture, her legs bent at the knees and her head on one of her hands. The other arm curled over her hip so that her hand was tantalizingly close to his fingers.

_Remember how wet she was, wet and hot at the same time. _

His hand shook so hard he dropped the pencil. It rolled down the table and off the side, hitting the floor with thwack that didn't penetrate his brain.

_After the first time, she'd held him tight in her arms as though he might be the one that would get up and leave. There were tears on her cheeks, but he couldn't think of a way to ask why. He just put his head on her shoulder and drank in the light, musky scent of her skin. He listened as their heartbeats slowed down and synchronized. For the first time he was in perfect harmony with someone or so, he'd thought at the time. _

"_Spencer." _

"_Hm…" _

"_Are you sure your knee is okay?"_

_He raised his head to see her eyes. She was studying him the same way she had after the debacle at Cyrus's compound three years ago. _

"_I'm so much better than fine, Emily." _

_He wanted to say he loved her, but he couldn't make the words leave his mouth. What if she didn't love him in return? It was too much to contemplate. _

_Instead, he decided to say, "I feel like I could fly." _

_Emily traced a finger down his back and he shivered. "I feel human again," she admitted. "Thank you." _

_He kissed her jaw, and slid his fingers through her hair. "I didn't do anything special"_

_She laughed and rolled him over on his back. She ranged over him, her lean body straddling him like a rider with their mount. "You're just you and that's enough for me." _

_He pouted a little when she left the bed and went to the bathroom. "I'll be right back," she said over a laugh. _

_By the time Emily returned, his eyes were closed and he drifted along in that place between waking and sleep. It was like floating along on air, so calm and peaceful, that he ignored her when she slid into bed next to him. _

"_Hey beautiful."_

_Beautiful? That jolted him out of his doze. He opened one eye to see her lying on her side, one hand propping up her chin and the other lying on her hip. _

"_What do you mean by that?"_

_She smirked at him and reached out to brush strands of his long hair out of his eyes. "I should think it's obvious. You're beautiful." _

"_I'm not beautiful and anyway, that's what you say to a girl. I'm not a girl." _

_She traced his chin, up to his left cheekbone and across his forehead down to his right ear. "No, you're not a girl, but nevertheless, you are beautiful."_

_He turned onto his right side and cradled his head on his hands. "I don't know what to say to that." _

"_You don't have to say anything. Just know it's true." _

_She moved to lay closer to him. "Are you very tired?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because," she kissed him, lightly on one corner of his mouth. "I need you, baby." _

_He nodded, and stayed on his back as she straddled him again. All thoughts of sleep, or blood and horror retreated as she slid down his body and took him into her mouth. _

_Oh, it was like nothing he'd ever felt before as a different heat and wet sent his mind spinning off into infinity. His hands clenched the sheets, kneading it, pulling it till the material nearly ripped. Someone was keening and moaning like a zealot in the midst of religious ecstasy. He supposed it was he._

_Her hands slowly massaged up and down his thighs. They elicited shivers of pleasure along his legs and up his spine to the top of his head. His head rolled from side to side on the pillow. His legs pistoned and his toes curled. He couldn't control his body's reactions and he didn't want to control them because, for once in his life, all there was was the pleasure of Emily suckling him. _

_Then, it all changed because her mouth was gone. His eyes popped open and he whimpered in irritation. "Emily." _

_She giggled and slid back up his body. "Patience, Spencer." _

"_I don't want to be patient," he gasped. 'You're killing me." _

"_Oh I don't think so." _

_She reached down and stroked his hard, erect length with aching slowness. "I think you're very much alive."_

"_Please."_

_She engulfed him and his back bowed. "Oh yes…" _

"_Good things come to those who wait," Emily said. _

"_I want to cum," he gasped. "Now!"_

_She rode him, her long body bending back like the arch of a bow. She clenched around him like a satin covered iron fist and fell forward, gasping and shuddering. He jerked, arched and gasped out her name as wave after wave of pleasure swamped everything he was, and severed his hold on reality. _

_Later, as the travel clock on the night table reached midnight, Reid shut his eyes and tightened his arms around Emily. He listened to her breathing in the black dark of the room where the only other sound was the hiss of the heater. He breathed in the clean scent of her hair and his eyes were about to close when he heard something strange near his head. _

_Emily shifted and turned over. He kissed her head and shut his eyes again. The noise started again and he realized that it was coming from the wall. It gradually increased a thumping noise that reminded him of the neighbors he used to have at his apartment. His face got hot as he realized what was happening. _

_Emily started laughing as voices rose over the thumping of the headboard banging on the wall. _

"_Don't laugh," Reid squeaked, and then he laughed. _

"_If I wasn't so tired, I'd say we could take them," Emily boasted. _

"_We couldn't do that," Reid disagreed in horror. _

"_You shouldn't have said that. Now, I'm not too tired to take a challenge like that." _

The sound of his cell phone jerked Reid out of the memories of his only night with Emily. He was achingly hard, and had no time to deal with it because the number on the phone was Morgan.

"Morgan," he squeaked into the phone.

"_You okay kid." _

"Yeah… I banged my bad knee. Um I really need to take some medicine. Are we called in?"

"_No, I just wanted to talk to you. You seemed like you were upset on the plane last night." _

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"_Are you sure?"_

"I'm sure."

"_Alright, you'll call me if you need anything." _

"I promise."

"_I'll see you on Monday." _

"Yeah, um thanks for calling."

"_Anytime kid." _

Reid dropped the cell phone one the table when Morgan finally let him go. Talking to his friend hadn't helped the arousal brought on by his drawing and his daydreaming. In fact, perversely, Morgan's call and the embarrassment it engendered, had made his hard on worse. He grabbed his cane and hurried off to the bathroom.

When he returned to the living room, he went directly to the drawing he'd made and picked it up. It was a ridiculous self-indulgence, an obvious result of his ruffled state of mind. He tore it down the middle and found that the sound of the ripping paper made him wince, but he didn't stop until it was only a drift of paper on the floor.

His phone rang again startling him into slipping on the paper. He nearly fell, but this time his cane stopped most of his forward momentum. He grabbed for the phone, ready to give Morgan a piece of his mind, when he realized the number on the display was Emily.

He dropped the phone again, and hurried away to his bedroom. If he put the door between him and the sound of the phone, he wouldn't be tempted to answer. Maybe she'd just get the hint and they could go back to being friends.

He shut the door to his room and limped over to his bed. He couldn't hear his phone, but he knew he couldn't hide. He'd have to face her eventually.

_I don't want to talk to her. _

_You were drawing naked pictures of her a few minutes ago. You want to do more than talk to her. _

He clamped his hands over his ears and went to the small desk under the window at the north end of his room. He pulled out some stationary and a pen from the top drawer and tried to begin a letter to his mom. He started to tell her about the last two days, but stopped when he started to write about Emily. He couldn't tell his mother about what happened, it was humiliating and she wouldn't understand. He didn't even understand it.

He slammed down the pen and went back out to the kitchen. His cell phone lay on the table near his drawing pad like an accusation. He picked it up and stared at it. There was a message. He put it down again. He wouldn't listen to it. He'd ignore it and when Monday came around again, he'd go to the office and act as he always had with Emily. If she tried to bring up what happened, he'd make it clear it was in the past. Yeah… that was the best thing to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

The headache crept up on her. One moment she was deep into a consult for a detective in Bangor Maine, and the next her head was thumping like someone set up a blacksmith shop inside her brain. She sat up, stretched, and groaned.

Reid looked up at her, and then bent his head back over his own stack of files when she caught his gaze. It was tempting to reach over and smack him. He hadn't answered any of her calls and now he was ignoring her. He didn't even ask her opinion on his cases. They always bounced ideas off each other and every time she'd tried to talk to him he'd put her off with needing coffee, the bathroom or going up to Garcia's office for tech support.

She pressed two fingers to her eyes and rubbed. It was impossible to concentrate when it felt like any minute the tension would pop like a balloon at a child's birthday party. Even Morgan was staying away in his office, which was strange.

_He's got too much to worry about. Hotch is still out and Morgan's still doing his job for the moment. He doesn't have time to wonder about you and you know you'd just tell him to leave it alone if he did ask. _

She sighed and rubbed at her aching temples. Maybe she had a bottle of ibuprofen in her desk. A search did turn up a bottle, so she popped two pills with the last of her coffee. A check of the time showed her that it was just after three pm. She clamped down on the urge to groan aloud.

The bullpen was full of agents talking on phones, going over files or talking to each other so she grabbed her phone and hurried to a corner near the elevator.

"Hey Elaine," She said quietly when her friend answered.

"_Why are you whispering?"_

"I'm at work."

"_To what do I owe the pleasure?" _

"I need to talk to you. I know we made plans to have lunch on Saturday, but I really need to talk."

Elaine immediately sobered. _"What's wrong?"_

"I can't talk about it now. Can you meet me at my place at seven? I'll cook you dinner."

"_No way, I'll pick up a couple of gyro combos from the "Starving Greek." _

"You don't need to do that."

"_It's your favorite, don't argue with me." _

Emily barked out a short laugh. "Okay, okay, I give up."

"_I'll see you at seven. "_

Elaine hung up without saying goodbye, which righted Emily's universe. At least one friend was acting the way she expected.

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Elaine was ten minutes late, which was also normal. She was pink cheeked and smirking when Emily opened the door. Her long, wavy red hair the color of copper was pulled back in a messy ponytail. Her cinnamon brown eyes twinkled merrily over her light blue scarf. "I brought sustenance." She held up a white bag and wiggled her eyebrows. "I told you I'd come through.

"Come in."

They curled up in Emily's living room with plates and glasses of wine. Elaine took the Queen Anne chair across from the sofa and curled up. She was barely five feet tall and looked like a fairy queen with her lithe little body. One of her nicknames in college had been Tinker Bell.

"You look so happy." Emily observed. "Have you heard from Nick?"

"How did you know?"

Emily raised her eyebrows over a forkful of rice.

"Oh right, profiler. I forgot. Has anyone told you that's really annoying?"

"Elaine."

"Yeah, I skyped with him last night. He's safe and healthy, just working too hard as usual. I can't wait till he gets home."

"I don't blame you."

Elaine took a sip of her wine. "We're not here to talk about Nick in Afghanistan."

Emily set her plate aside in favor of more wine. "I need some advice."

"I'm intrigued. Spill it."

Instead, Emily got up and went to her window. The winter storm that had roared through was gone. Now all she could see was the lights from the city, black sky, and traffic.

"Do you remember Dr. Spencer Reid?"

"Isn't he the one you told me about over several shots of tequila at Sunset Larry's a couple of months ago?"

"Don't remind me how smashed I got that night."

Emily shuddered, but she wouldn't turn around and face her friend.

"I believe you said, after five shots, that this Dr. Reid was sizzling hot and if you had the chance you'd -"

"I don't need a reminder."

"Whoa, why're you so freaked? Talk to me."

Emily finally returned to her couch and curled up with a brightly colored throw blanket. She pulled it tight around her shoulders and started picking at the last of her food.

"Night before last on a case, I went to his room and seduced him. Then I left in the middle of the night without a goodbye or some much as a note"

Elaine choked on her wine. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"I don't need recriminations from you. I'm getting enough from Spencer."

"I don't blame him."

"I didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't like that, Lane. I really care about him."

Elaine swallowed the last of her gyro. "If you care about him, why did you leave?"

"I woke up about three and I needed to go to the bathroom. When I came out, Reid was muttering in his sleep. He said he loved me"

"How do you know he was talking about you?"

Emily's head whipped up to see that Elaine wasn't kidding. "Don't you think it was a little ego centric to make that assumption," her friend continued.

"I heard him say my name."

Elaine rolled her eyes. "Alright, I'm just teasing you. So he said he loved you in his sleep. Did he say it when he was awake?"

Emily pursed her lips. "No."

"So you left because he didn't say it when he was awake and coherent?"

"No, that's not what this is about." Emily got up to pace around the room. "I'm not ready -"

"Stop right there," Elaine held up her hand. "It's not just what you said about him over tequila. You've had a new light about you in the last couple of months."

"I don't -"

"You talk about him all the time, Emily. You're in love with him. Why are you resisting?"

"I'm not resisting."

"You left in the middle of the night. Guys do that, not women in love with the guys. What's really bothering you."

"I don't know?" Emily shouted.

"Hey, don't yell at me."

Elaine was on her feet and Emily was reminded why they also called her the "Irish Spit Fire" in college. Her eyes blazed and she radiated enough energy to light up a city block.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered.

Elaine immediately went to her and pulled her back down on the couch. "You're almost in tears my friend. You never cry. What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

"I get that, so you're going to let the best thing that's ever come into your life get away because you're scared."

Emily wiped furiously at her eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing, Lane. It's like everything good in my life, I mess up. I guess I heard him say he loved me and I freaked out. We don't really know each other outside of work. How can he love what he doesn't know?"

Elaine hugged her friend, drawing her head down on one shoulder. She stroked Emily's hair like a mother with her child. "So you're afraid that if he gets to know the so called real you, he'll realize he made a mistake and leave."

"Yeah, I guess that's it."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Emily lifted her head. "I wanted advice."

Elaine's eyes were dancing again. "My advice to you is to talk to Dr. Reid, not me."

"I've tried. He won't call me back and he acts, at work like we barely know each other."

"Then I suggest you find another way."

Emily pulled away from her friend and got up to pace the room again. "I don't know what to do."

Elaine tucked up her feet and grinned at her friend. "You're the profiler. I have every confidence that you'll figure it out. Now come over here and sit down. We're going to have more wine and talk. I'm not going anywhere until the kick ass FBI agent I know and love is back."

Emily rolled her eyes and joined Elaine on the couch. "I don't feel very kick ass."

"Then we'll have to fix that too."

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"Reid, I want you and Emily to talk to the coroner." Morgan was saying three days later. "Find out if he found anything significant and get the results of the tox screens."

Emily flicked her eyes over at Reid whose face was utter stone. For once, since she'd known him, she couldn't read his face.

"Emily."

She looked up to see Morgan staring at her. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes, um sorry Morgan. We'll get right on it."

Reid nodded stiffly and hurried as fast as his cane would let him, out of the small room they'd been given by the local LEOs to use for their case. She followed him, ignoring the smirk on Rossi's face.

Reid already had the borrowed SUV started. She climbed in and he threw the truck into gear.

"Don't you think I should drive?"

"It's an automatic. I only need one good leg to drive."

She stared at him, but he ignored her for the first half mile. Her skin prickled with nerves, but she couldn't take the enforced silence.

"Reid I -"

"I don't want to talk to you unless it's about work." He cut her off as neatly as a sports car in heavy traffic.

"I don't want to have this conversation in this truck, but you refuse to return my calls."

He glanced over at her and his face in the somber light of the winter morning resembled a brick wall. It was blank, and scaling it was going to be tough.

"I didn't call you back because I don't wanna talk to you."

She faced the road, and watched businesses flash by as they made their way north. "I'm sorry I hurt you -"

"Save it."

Her head whipped in his direction so fast it cramped. She hissed, but made her hands stay in her lap instead of reaching up to massage out the pain. His tone slapped her like tree branches blocking her path in the forest.

"Reid, please listen."

"I said I don't want to hear it. Emily, I get that what happened between us was just a release valve for extraordinary stress. It's okay."

Reid -"

He held up a hand. "I told you I understand the psychology behind our behavior. What I don't understand is why you just left. Why didn't you just tell me it didn't mean anything? I would have understood."

She turned her head away to the side window because she couldn't bear the pain in his eyes. The wall was down, but now she wished it were back.

"Is that what you think?"

"What?"

"I said, it that what you think."

She reached over and slapped off the heat. The truck was suddenly stifling and she couldn't draw breath. Her eyes went back to him, seemingly of their own free will.

"I left because I heard you talking in your sleep. You said you loved me and that scared the hell out of me."

Now it was his turn to turn away from her. He made a left hand turn at the next light as per the irritating voice of the GPS and drove on for three blocks.

A cold descended over the truck that was more psychic than physical, but she resisted the urge to reach for the controls again.

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear," He finally said. "People say odd things in their sleep all the time."

"How would you know?" Emily blurted out.

He glanced over at her with eyes that were so deep, they seemed to go on forever, like the chasm of some unexplored fantasy world.

"We're here, and I don't want to walk into the morgue arguing with you."

She reached over and grabbed his arm as he finally pulled into the parking lot of the Public Health Department. "You don't get to take the easy way."

He arrowed into a slot, slammed the gearshift into park, and shut off the engine. "We've got work to do."

"No, I'm not letting you out of this truck."

He sat back in his seat. "Then say what you have to say."

He stared straight ahead at the huge, modern building built of sand colored brick with glass and steel.

"I'm sorry I hurt you I -"

"Apology accepted. Can we please go do our jobs?" Reid interrupted so stiffly the words broke like pottery crashing to the floor.

She slammed open her door. "By all means, Dr. Reid, let's go do our almighty, god-damn jobs. After all, we don't have anything else to do."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: see my profile**_

_**A/n I've made up a little of the back story or William and Dianna Reid. Please enjoy and thnak you all for your kind support**_.

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"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Las Vegas and thank you for flying American Airlines. Please remain in your seats until the airplane comes to a full and complete stop at the gate."

Reid stared out the oval shaped window at McCarran International Airport as they taxied slowly forward. As usual, the sun fell in harsh lines against the sand of the deserts of Nevada. The blue sky was so light, it was nearly white and it hurt the eyes to look at. He pulled on his sunglasses and faced forward as the plane turned right toward Terminal 2.

"Looks like we made it in one piece," the passenger next to him commented.

He glanced over at the man in a light grey business suit that sat on the aisle seat. The middle seat was empty so they'd both had some elbowroom. Unfortunately, that had just encouraged, Albert, "Just call me Al," Lambert, to talk Reid's ear off for the last five and a half hours.

Albert had a head shaped like a honeydew melon, with a hairline that began at the back, an extra forty pounds around his middle, and a square cut, ruby ring on his right pinky finger. He also had a multitude of pictures of his kids and grand kids and the first car he'd every sold. Al, it seemed, was a successful car salesman, although not one of "those," car salesmen he had hastened to assure Reid, as if he were afraid Reid would stand up and point to the other passengers, and scream "He's a used car salesman, get him."

"Yeah, I guess we did."

"Well, it was great getting to know you."

He stuck out his hand. Reid took it reluctantly and endured a rigorous handshake that rattled his teeth. "Come see me while you're here in Las Vegas. I have just the thing for you to replace that ancient Volvo you're driving. I promise you'll love it. A cross country drive in the pretty lil' convertible I have in mind for you is just what you need."

"Um yeah, I'll think about," Reid said noncommittally.

He smiled in relief, when the plane finally pulled up to the gate and his seatmate disembarked. He waited until almost everyone had left before standing up. He winced, almost stumbled and groaned at his knee, which had stiffened up on the trip.

"You okay sir," a voice said from behind him.

One of the flight attendants stood there, smiling at him as though they shared some wonderful secret. "Sir?"

"Yeah, just a bad knee. I was just going to get my cane out of the overhead bin."

"Why don't I get it?"

She handed him the cane and his messenger bag. "Here you go."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I hope we'll see you again."

"Yeah," he squeaked. "Um, thanks."

His limp was worse than usual, as he followed an old woman hunched over a walker out of the aircraft and up the sleeve to the gate. The fact that she was moving faster than he moved was extremely depressing.

By the time he got his bag and pulled it awkwardly to the exit, he was dripping sweat. Still, when the doors slid open and he smelled the familiar air of his home, his spirits lifted a little. For the first time in four days, he felt some of the weight he'd carried around rise off his shoulders.

"Spencer."

He looked left and saw his father sitting at the curb in a white sedan with a layer of dirt on its paint job. William Reid waved at him and smiled. He jumped out of the car and hurried around to help Reid into the passenger seat. He hefted Reid's bags and his cane into the back as a cab honked at them.

"Thanks for picking me up, dad. I know you're busy."

William pulled back into traffic and arrowed the car into the exit lane for the airport. "Don't worry about it. I've got the next three days off. I'm all yours."

"You didn't have to do that."

"No, but I wanted to spend time with you. This is the first time we've seen each other since the last time you were here."

Reid glanced over at his dad, who was merging into traffic. "You mean when I thought you assaulted and killed Riley Jenkins."

William flicked his eyes over to Reid. "I don't hold that against you, Spencer. You were doing your job and -"

"I accused you of murder to your face." Reid squeaked. "I hated you so much I was willing to see you go to prison for the rest of your life. How can you not be mad at me?"

William reached over, touched the climate control, and turned on the interior fan. It was warm for December. The air whirled on, ruffling Reid's hair until he adjusted the vent.

"I'm not mad at you because none of what happened was your fault. Now, why don't you tell me why you're here? I know you didn't come here because you wanted a vacation. Something's bothering you."

"It's nothing, I'm just tired. We've had a rough few weeks, and its Christmas. I wanted to spend the holidays with you and mom even if we can't all be together."

William nodded, "Well I'm glad you came out here, son. It's good to see you. I wish you'd take me up on staying at my place."

"Dad I-"

"You're right, I'm pushing too hard."

Reid looked over at his father's profile. "It's not you, dad. I'm just…"

He threw up his hands and turned his head to stare out the passenger window. He definitely didn't have the words, or the will to find the words, to tell his dad.

"Spencer?"

He turned back to meet his father's eyes. "I'm sorry, dad, I really can't talk about it."

William smiled, "its okay. If you change you're mind, I'm here."

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The sun was beginning to set, by the time Reid arrived at Bennington, turning the sky bright gold in the west. He left the cab at the curb and limped inside.

His mother was sitting in the day room writing furiously in one of her journals. She wore a white sweater and the setting sun in the window made her short, blond hair glow like a halo around her head. He stood there for a minute and was about to speak when she looked up at him.

"Oh, Spencer, what are you doing here?"

"I came for the holiday."

She looked around at the Christmas decorations, and the tree in one corner with lights and decorations that looked hand made by some of the patients. There was a real string of popcorn twisted around its branches and all the ornaments were paper.

Dianna Reid dismissed it and gestured to the chair across the table. "Sit down, baby, you look exhausted."

He pulled out the chair and sat with the thump, stretching his aching leg out to one side. "Hi mom, how are you?"

She waved her left hand. "I'm fine. How's your knee?"

"It hurts, but the doctors say I'm doing well."

"I'm so glad." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "What's wrong, baby?"

"It's nothing, mom, just a couple of bad cases."

"I know when work is troubling you. There's something else in your eyes."

He looked out the window, and away again because the light of the setting sun blinded him. One of the aides walked over at the same time and pulled the shades. The shocking absence of light had him blinking more than the blinding light. Having no other place to look, he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"It's nothing," he repeated resolutely.

"Spencer, I don't like to see you so upset."

"Mom, I can handle it. It's not that important."

She squeezed his hand again. "Alright, you don't have to tell me."

He sighed. "It's just a problem at work."

"Is it about a case?"

He rubbed at his knee and grimaced. "No, just a little problem with someone on the team.

His face began to flame so he returned his eyes to the floor. Dianna studied him, trying not to smile at the faint blush on his cheeks.

"Would this problem be with the one you always talk about in your letters?"

He picked at his sleeve and wouldn't look at her. This was so embarrassing. "Mom please, I really don't want to talk about it."

"It's okay… I understand, but perhaps you might consider talking to your father."

He looked up at see her dark eyes dancing as she watched him.

"It's not funny, mom."

"Why don't we have a game of scrabble? You need something to take your mind off your troubles and I'm in the mood to win."

He found his head was nodding in agreement and he couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. "Don't be so sure you'll win, mom."

"Just get the game, Spencer, I'm feeling lucky."

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Two days later, Christmas Day was dying in a riot of red, orange and purple on the western horizon. Reid stood at another window watching it go down while his dad set up the long unused chessboard in one corner of the room. Reid pulled his purple sweater around his middle and limped over to the table.

"It's been a long time since we played together."

"I missed it," Spencer said honestly.

"Me too."

"Thanks for going to Bennington with me. I know mom was happy to see you."

Reid's eyes drifted down to the wedding ring his father had never taken off in the last twenty years. William followed his eyes down to this hand. "I never stopped loving her."

"I know," Reid said softly. "I wish…"

"It's alright. I realized long ago that your mother and I were never destined for the white picket fence, and all the other things that others take for granted."

Reid touched the white queen in front of him, with one long finger. "I always wondered why you never divorced her. You could have found someone else and had another family. "

"I love her," William said with a shrug of his shoulders. "When you love someone, it's not logical. You can hurt each other in ways you never thought you were capable of, because there's so much in your heart, it's overwhelming."

Reid dropped his eyes and tried to concentrate on his first move instead of the image of Emily's face in his mind. He pushed forward one of his pawns, but her face wouldn't go away.

"What's wrong Spencer?"

"Dad," he began slowly, "What would you do if a woman you trusted, a friend, sort of took advantage of you at an emotionally and psychologically vulnerable moment."

William looked up with raised eyebrows. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

"Well, I have this friend at work. Her name is Emily Prentiss. We had this case and it was late, and I was in my hotel room. She just knocked on the door and -"

He couldn't look at his dad because his face was so hot. It was too embarrassing. "Never mind, dad. It's not -"

"I think I understand," William said. "Tell me what happened."

"It's so embarrassing, dad."

"Hey," Reid looked up at the slight command in his dad's voice. "You know I'll never judge you. I don't have that right after what I've done."

Reid found himself spilling out the whole story as his face got hotter and hotter and he couldn't look his father in the eyes. His mind tried to tell him to stop, that he shouldn't trust William Reid, while his heart knew it was the right thing to do, the only thing.

"Well," William said when Reid stuttered to a stop.

Reid looked up again, and saw that it was his turn to make a move, and he had better make it a good one or his dad was going to win in another three moves.

"Well," Reid repeated.

"Do you love this Emily Prentiss?"

Reid flinched at the blunt question. "I guess I must if my subconscious is shouting it from my dreams."

William chuckled at Reid's dry tone.

"It's not funny, dad."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to tease you. It's just that you have an opportunity for something amazing."

"What?"

William moved his remaining knight after long consideration. "I just mean that the love of a good woman is the greatest blessing a man can have."

Reid frowned over the board. It looked like there was only one way out of the trap his father was laying for him. He moved a pawn forward one square.

"Is that what you thought about mom?"

"Yes. Your mother and I had three good years before she got sick. Even after she changed into someone I barely knew, I still loved her. If I could go back and change what happened, I would, but I can't. All I can do is try to make it up to both of you for leaving."

Spencer tapped the board as he watched his dad think about his next move. "Did you know right away that you loved mom."

"Oh God no, I liked her of course, from the first moment I met her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever known and she was brilliant and passionate. Still, I was afraid to make a lifetime commitment to her. I guess I was right to be afraid, because I didn't stick for the long haul.

He finally made his next move, taking Reid's last rook and grinned at his son. "I think you're in trouble."

Reid perused the game with a deep frown, and then he smirked. "I don't think so, dad."

He moved his king and made William narrow his eyes at the board. "Don't crow too loudly. I think I see a way out." He moved a knight, sprung his trap and said. "Checkmate."

"Wait, how did you do that?"

William laughed. "Come on… Let's make a snack and you can tell me more about Emily."

An hour later, Reid said, "What do I do dad? I can't just pretend that everything's okay."

"No, you can't pretend that everything's okay, but if you love her, don't let her get away. Just take it one step at a time and don't put so much pressure on yourself, or her."

Reid took a sip of the rum free eggnog his father had bought at the store and sighed. "I'm sorry to drop all that on you."

"Hey, don't worry about it. I like helping you if I can. You're my son and I love you."

"I love you too dad, I always have, it's just that -"

"I understand, more than you know," his father assured him. "You don't have to explain anything. I hope you'll forgive me one day for everything I did and for my jealousy over your relationship with your mother. I should have been happy you two were so close instead of wishing you'd be more like a normal child."

Reid nodded. "I'm not going to say its okay, but I think I understand better than I did even a year ago."

"Does that mean you'll visit more often?"

Reid grinned. "Yeah, I think I'll visit more often. Merry Christmas, Dad."

"Merry Christmas, Spencer."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

Emily glanced down at her watch and sighed under her breath. It read 9:27, which meant that only ad hour and a half had passed since Agent Richard Stryker from Organized Crime had picked her up for drinks.

_Why did you agree to go out with him?_

He was good looking in a golden god sort of way, with blue eyes, a build like Morgan and a perfect smile. Every female agent at Quantico wanted to go out with him. He was exactly the kind of man her mom and dad had always wanted for her, charming, educated and completely boring. She also suspected that underneath his macho image, he was a wimp that used others to further his career.

"So, why did you finally agree to drinks with me? I've been asking you out for months."

His question startled her into stopping right there on the sidewalk next to his car. "My mother wanted me to go to an after Christmas party with her Washington friends. Telling her I already had a date was the best way to get out of it."

His eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her answer, but somehow they weren't as alluring as a certain pair of chocolate puppy dog eyes.

_Why are you here if you prefer puppy eyes?_

"I'm glad I could be of service, my lady."

She nearly rolled her eyes. He obviously didn't recognize the insult in the explanation. Agreeing to this as a way to get her mind off Reid was a colossal mistake.

_I wonder if he'll fall for it if I tell him I'm sick. _

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

"I was just thinking."

She tried to smile for him, but it was impossible. Funny, she never found it difficult to smile at Reid. It was especially easy when he was beating Morgan, JJ, or even Hotch at cards. Then there were the times that he went off on some strange tangent. No matter the case, or how badly she felt about what was going on in her life, he could always do something to make her smile. She'd never smiled so much as she had after making love with him, before he'd terrified her with his declaration of love.

_I thought it was just sex._

How could she have been so stupid? Here she was with this golden FBI Adonis and all she wanted was to get away and talk to Reid.

"Hey, cheer up beautiful. I know just the thing to make you smile."

She nearly pulled her gun out of her handbag at his tone. "I'm really not feeling well, Rick. Do you think we could take a rain check on dinner?"

"Come on Prentiss. It's early. It's Christmas, the lights are bright and it stopped snowing. It's beautiful, a night suited for a gorgeous woman."

"Rick I really -"

Tires squealed loudly on the black top as a black SUV rounded a corner. She turned in time to see the muzzle flash of the gun, but she didn't hear the shot or feel the bullet as it tore through her flesh. She fell in near silence to the slushy pavement just before everything went black.

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Reid dropped his messenger bag on his bed and hurried back out of his room. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to dial Emily's number, then stopped. It was 9:30 pm and she might be busy, or asleep. No, it was too early for her to be asleep. They still had ten more days of vacation courtesy of Rossi bullying Strauss and Reid knew Emily liked go to bed late and sleep late when they were off. He dialed again, but the phone went straight to voicemail. He ended the call without leaving a message. There was no way he wanted to say what he needed to say over the phone.

_Damn, now that he wanted to talk to her she wasn't available. _

He sat down on the new easy chair he'd bought as a Christmas gift to himself. It wasn't a luxury. It was to aid in keeping his knee elevated. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

_I'll go look for her._

He snorted laughter. He couldn't just go knock on her door. She wouldn't like it. He had to be smart about this. She'd already heard him say he loved her even if he lied about it.

_She's a profiler, so she probably knows you were lying even if she didn't call you on it._

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Other people didn't have to worry about having a relationship with someone that could read every mood, facial expression, or word.

_Oh, so you're having a relationship with her. When did that happen? _

Yeah, Emily had made it perfectly clear to him that she was only interested in one night. Everything his father told him went out the window as he levered out of the chair, and grimaced against the stabbing pain in his knee. He limped into the bathroom for his bottle of pain pills.

Half an hour later, he returned to his chair and stretched out. Slipping down into sleep was much easier than he'd anticipated. _He didn't realize he was asleep until he opened his eyes and saw he stood in the aisle between two long shelves of books. He looked left and right, noticing that the shelves seemed to go on until they were out of sight. _

_It was some kind of library, but not like any, he'd ever been in. The books were shelved by size and some of them were very old. One book, right in front of his eyes, slid out of the shelf on its own and dropped forward. He caught it out of reflex, and sneezed at the dust that puffed up from the top cover. It was bound in leather with gold leaf, and the title read, "How to talk to Emily." _

_He jerked back in surprise. How did the very book he needed more than anything just happen to fall into his hands? It couldn't be real because none of this was real. He knew on some level that it was a dream. He lifted the book to return it to the shelves, then stopped and began brushing the rest of the dust from the bindings. _

_Just open it. _

_He opened it, and his forehead crinkled in confusion. The words were gibberish. He flipped though book, but all the pages were the same. He couldn't read any of it. He blinked and the book was back in its place on the shelf. He blinked again and the shelves disappeared. In fact, everything had disappeared. _

_Emily stood in front of him. They were back in the same hotel room. She reached out for him and he stepped forward. "Emily." _

"_Spencer, I missed you." _

"_I wanted to say I'm sorry." _

_She shushed him with a kiss that heated his blood to his toes. He tangled his hands in her hair, pulling her in as close has he can. Her scent washed over him and he closed his eyes. Suddenly, her lips were gone. He opened his eyes to see that she had vanished. _

_The scene had changed again. He stood outside, after dark, in a forest with birch trees that quaked all around him. The rustling of their leaves sounded like dried cornstalks. Something screeched in the air right over his head. He ducked away from it and angled his head around at the same time to see a huge owl fly overhead. _

"_Spencer."_

_He whipped around, but Emily wasn't there. He could've sworn she was right behind him. "Emily." _

"_Over here." _

_He walked slowly in the direction of her voice. The wind suddenly gusted so hard he stumbled. Leaves crackled under his feet as he tried to get his footing back. _

"_Spencer, where are you?"_

_He looked up, and all the stars winked out one by one as though they were candles, easily extinguished by the wind. The moon went black last and something touched his shoulder. _

_He yelped, and fell hard on his injured knee. He screamed and rolled to his back. He blinked and light flooded his eyes as Emily's voice called out to him again. He pushed up to his feet; the pain in his knee was suddenly gone as though it had never been there in the first place. Emily stood at the other side of a wide-open meadow. She held out a hand to him, but no matter how fast he walked he never got any closer to her. _

"_Spencer," she called out to him. _

_He tried to respond, but he couldn't speak. Something had paralyzed his vocal cords. He began to run, not feeling the high grass as it slapped lightly at his thighs. It seemed to grow taller and taller until he couldn't see Emily, who didn't get any closer. The smell of the fresh, green grass was cloying and he began to sneeze, and his eyes to water. _

_He tried again to call out to her, but he couldn't hear her voice outside his mind. The grass was taller than his head. He was forced to stop. His breath wheezed in and out of his lungs and he sneezed repeatedly. _

"_Spencer."_

_Emily's voice was fading away. He finally found his voice and screamed in response, but she didn't answer. The grass was so tall it blotted out the sun. Footsteps behind him shook the ground as though a giant were approaching. He backed away from the sound, but it came closer and closer. _

"_Spencer, help me." _

"_Emily I can't find you. Where are you? I need to talk to you." _

"_I'm sorry," her voice was so far away he could barely hear her. _

_The thundering footsteps receded and a ringing began in his ears, increasing in ferocity until he had to clamp his hands over his them. _

"_Stop," he screamed. "Leave me alone." _

His eyes flew open as he fell sideways out of the chair. His bad knee exploded in pain as he pushed up from the floor. His cell phone rang once more then fell silent. He looked at the missed calls and saw Rossi's number.

_Why Rossi? Did they have a case?_

He stared at the phone until it signaled he had a message. "Call me the minute you get this, Reid. Something's happened. I need to talk to you right away."

A chill froze his heart and pumped ice into his blood. If it were a case, Rossi would have said so. He wouldn't be so cryptic on the phone. His hands shook and he could barely press the speed dial button for Rossi's number.

"Rossi," came the older profiler's greeting.

"It's Reid, what's going on?"

"I need you to meet me at Georgetown University Hospital."

He felt his legs give way as a terrible foreboding further cooled his blood to glacier-like temperatures. "What's wrong?"

"Emily's been shot, Reid. It's bad. Just get down here."

He shut the phone without another word. Oh God, if she died thinking he was mad at her or that he hated her - he couldn't live with it.

No, he'd never let that happen. He levered up to his feet, grabbed his cane and went in search of his messenger bag. Nothing else mattered, but that he was there for her whether she wanted him or not.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

_How many times had he sat in a hospital and waited for news about one of his team? How many times had the team waited for news about him in these same types of waiting rooms? It was too many to count, and it had to stop, _Reid thought

He tilted his head back in his chair and stared up at the eggshell white ceiling over his head. If he concentrated with all his strength, maybe he could see Emily's face projected there like a film. If he could see her face, then she'd be okay. She'd be alright and he could put his father's advice to work

"Reid."

Apparently, his concentration was shot because he could still hear Rossi, who'd sat next to him since he'd arrived at the hospital.

"What?"

"The doctor's here."

Reid shot to his feet as the surgeon approached. To him, the woman striding toward them was the most important person in the universe. Her grey eyes were tired, but he saw that they were also hopeful. It was better than nothing.

She held up a hand to forestall any of their questions. "Which one of you is Agent Hotchner?"

"I'm he."

"You're her emergency contact."

"That's right, doctor, how is she?"

She turned her attention away from the rest of the team. "Why don't we go into one of the consultation rooms?"

"Please allow the rest of the team to hear it. I know Emily wouldn't mind."

"Alright, please come with me."

The room she led them to, was very small, and with all of them inside, it felt like they were hiding from some nameless threat. Reid stood in front of the door while JJ and Garcia took the only two chairs in the room. Rossi, Hotch, and Morgan surrounded the doctor, eager to hear what she had to say.

"Ms Prentiss was brought in with a gunshot wound to the upper left quadrant. The bullet missed her heart, but it did nick the left lung. The resulting internal bleeding caused what is known as a hemothroax. The external pressure caused the lung to collapse. We were able to repair the damage and have taken measures to re-inflate the lung. She will walk out of here in about a week."

There was a general uproar, but Reid just stood clutching hard at his cane. Relief made him so weak he would have fallen without the support.

"Can we see her?" He didn't care about the tremble in his voice. The only thing important was Emily

The doctor regarded him over Rossi's shoulder. "She's still in recovery and she hasn't regained consciousness. She won't need to be in intensive care after she wakes, but I'm going to insist that you keep the number of visitors to two people for the first forty-eight hours. She needs her rest."

"Thank you doctor."

Hotch held out a hand to her. She took it and smiled at him, her warm grey eyes twinkling. "You must care about each other a great deal."

"We do."

"My name is Dr. Agatha Perry if you have any questions. Ms Prentiss will be on the fifth floor when she's out of recovery. You can get her room number from one of the nurses on duty."

They followed her out of the consultation room and down the hallway to the elevators. She gave them another smile and turned off down a hallway to the right and back toward the operating theaters.

"We have to find out who did this to her." Morgan implored Hotch.

"Then let's get to work," Hotch agreed without argument.

"Hotch, someone should stay here." Rossi pointed out. "Emily said something about her parents going to Europe for the holidays and to see to some business. I don't think they'll make it back for a few days, at least. Why doesn't Reid stay here while the rest of us work on the case?"

'Rossi I want to help -"

"You can barely stand up with that knee." Hotch gestured to him. "Stay here with her. I promise we'll find who did this."

"But, Hotch -"

"He's right," Rossi agreed. "You're in no shape to chase after a drive by shooter."

"I'm not helpless."

Rossi pinned him with a look that shut off his complaints. The rest of the team left when one of the elevators arrived, after giving him messages to pass on to Emily when she woke.

He took the other elevator to the fifth floor. His knee trembled and ached as he watched the numbers on the read out count up. The stabbing pain in his leg couldn't get his mind off Rossi and Emily. His teammate had given him a look that said he knew something was going on. Perhaps there was no way to keep it from any of them.

_Does it matter? Emily's in a hospital bed fighting for her life. Is secrecy the most important thing right now?_

The doors opened onto the fifth floor. The lights were dimmed and the only person he saw was small, blond women in light blue scrubs. She stood with her head bent over what looked like a file. Her ponytail fell over her shoulder when she lifted her head and glanced up at him.

"Can I help you?"

"I was wondering if you can tell me where the waiting room is."

"It's down the hallway." She pointed to the left. "Wait," she stopped him when he turned in that direction. "Who are you here to see?"

"Um, Agent Emily Prentiss. Dr. Perry said she was still in recovery."

"Oh yes, I'm Jackie. I'm one of the nurses on this floor tonight. Agent Prentiss won't be transferred up for a few hours and then she won't be awake. Are you sure, you want to wait. You look tired."

Her dark blue eyes reminded him of JJ, they were full of the compassion JJ often had for victims.

"I'm fine." He pulled out his badge and showed it to the nurse. "I'm SSA Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU. Emily is one of my teammates. I'd like to wait here for her if that's okay."

Jackie took his arm. "Are you sure you're okay. You look like you could use sleep."

"It's nothing. I was shot in the line of duty a few months ago. My knee was nearly destroyed. I'm recovering though; it's just too much work."

"And worry, I would say," Jackie replied, "that it's the result of too much worry."

"I'm okay; I just forgot my pain medication."

"I could get you some Tylenol."

He made himself smile at her. "You don't have to do that."

"It's okay. We're pretty quiet tonight."

He realized that they'd arrived at a waiting area that looked like every other waiting area he'd ever seen.

"Thank you."

"Sit down and I'll get you something for your knee."

He looked around the room, and found what he needed more than the painkillers, a pot of coffee. It stood in a maker on one table, near a lamp that glowed like gold in the low light of the room.

Even though he made a cup, when Jackie came back, she found him on the couch asleep. "Well, I'll just leave this here for you when you wake up. Don't worry; we'll take care of your friend."

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It was six am when Reid entered Emily's room. He stopped at the entrance because there were so many tubes and wires connected to her. Her face was as white as the sheet pulled up to her neck. His eyes frantically searched for the telltale rise of her chest. He sighed in relief when he saw that she breathed. He also noticed the cannula in her nose that delivered oxygen.

_Of course, she's breathing. You can see the monitors keeping her heart rate and her oxygen stats._

The room was dark, lit only from the light that infused from the hallway, but there was enough light for him to see a bag of red blood and other bags of fluids were hung from poles at either side of the bed. He knew there would be other tubing that would carry away the blood or fluids that had built up in her chest and caused her lung to collapse.

"Oh hello, Dr. Reid."

Jackie had entered the room behind him so quietly he jumped. "Hi," he squeaked.

"I'm just here to take her vitals. You can sit down if you like."

He sat and was quiet until Jackie left. "Hi, Emily, it's Reid. Um, I just wanted you to know that the team is doing everything they can to find the person that did this to you."

She was so quiet that chills fingered their way up his spine. All the complications he knew that were possible from this kind of wound and operation, started to careen through his mind like a ball bearing in a pinball machine. He clutched at his head and tried to think of something else. Oh, what he wouldn't give for the ability to just shut off his mind.

_Tell her how you feel._

"I wanted to say I'm sorry I got so mad at you," he said.

His voice quaked so that speaking became more difficult than walking without his cane. He watched her face, but she didn't give any indication that she heard anything he was saying.

"I was angry and afraid. You were right. I do love you. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. Still, that doesn't mean that you have to love me in return. I just want you to wake up and smile at me again. It doesn't matter what happens after that. Please just live and the rest we'll figure out together."

He blinked away a tear that was trying to escape his eye because it did no good. Hadn't he learned that lesson when he was a child? It hadn't helped when the bullies in school beat him up. In fact, his tears seemed to egg them on as if they took pleasure from them.

He learned to suppress his tears so the older boys that hit him wouldn't see. It didn't stop the torture, and it wouldn't help him now. Nonetheless, the traitor tears began dropping down his cheeks like rain from storm clouds. He impatiently wiped them away, but couldn't stop them because the pain in his heart was like a physical thing trying desperately to get out. He inhaled deeply, and tried to make the urge to cry go away. What if Morgan were to come into the room? Morgan never cried.

_Crying is good for you. You saw Hotch crying at Haley's funeral. Crying is a good response to stress. It releases hormones like prolactin that relieve stress. Humans are the only species that evolved to cry as a way to relive stress and boost the immune system. Humans cry in times of stress, sorrow and even joy. It's a natural thing to do. Unrelieved stress can cause heart attacks and damage certain areas of our brains. We need to cry to rid our bodies of hormones that can poison our emotional and physical well-being. _

_What are you thinking? Who cares about why you're crying? Emily is alive. Cry some tears over that._

He watched Emily's face, but there was nothing to indicate that she might wake up. He didn't understand it. This was the part in stories when the heroine was supposed to open her eyes and admit that she heard everything the hero said and that she loved him too.

He watched and he waited as more tears fell, but she didn't wake up.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer: see my profile._**

Elaine assumed that no one would be in Emily's room when she arrived around nine that morning. Therefore, it was a shock, when she opened the door and saw someone sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs ranged at either side of the bed. At first, she thought one of Emily's female teammates was sitting there because the person had long, wavy, golden brown hair. Then she realized that no woman would dress in dark brown cords, a brown and white striped sweater vest, and a long sleeved white shirt turned up at the elbows. A light brown corduroy jacket was slung over the back of the chair with a purple scarf and he wore dirty blue converse shoes.

She froze in her tracks, but he didn't move to acknowledge that he knew she was there. She took a step closer and one of her shoes squeaked on the tile. He jerked awake, sitting up so fast and straight he reminded her of a soldier coming to attention at the arrival of their CO. One, long fingered hand went to his shoulder and he winced, groaned and pinned her with a suspicious stare.

"Who are you?"

His voice was raspy with exhaustion, he badly needed a shave, but it was his eyes that ripped at her heart. They were large, chocolate brown, and resembled a puppy that someone had beaten and abandoned in a downtown alleyway to huddle in the rain.

"I'm Elaine. Emily and I have been friends since college."

His bloodshot eyes bored into her and she shivered. It was as if he'd read her soul in the same time it took her to introduce herself, and she didn't know what he saw, but he didn't smile.

"How did you know she was here?"

She bit down on replying with "none of your fucking business," but there was something in his eyes that smote at her heart and at once, she knew who he was.

"I have a friend in the DC metro police. He called me when the shooting came over the wire. He has contacts and he got Emily's name for me."

He just stared at her with probing eyes that cut like surgical knives.

"You must be Dr. Reid," she said without thinking.

His eyes narrowed at her and he winced as he straightened out one of his long legs. He grabbed the cane leaning up against Emily's bed and struggled to his feet.

"Don't get up," she said holding out a hand.

He raised his eyebrows a little. "How do you know who I am?"

He said it as if he hadn't heard her admonition not to get out of his chair

_Tell the truth and you'll reveal more than Emily wants him to know. Stay silent and he'll get it out of you. _

Oh yes, his eyes said he wouldn't take a lie for the truth. "She talks about you all the time."

"Does she?"

"Yes."

They were quiet, each sizing up the other until he looked away and back at Emily. Elaine kept her face placid, but inside she was smiling. She'd seen the way this Dr. Spencer Reid looked at Emily. If only Emily would wake up and realize that life was short and just admit her feelings.

"What did she tell you about me?"

"Nothing earth shattering, I assure you."

"Which means what?"

She went around to the other side of Emily's bed and sat down. "Why don't you get some rest? You look exhausted. I'll stay with her."

"You don't need to worry about me."

"Why not, I'm sure Emily would appreciate it if I do."

"I don't like games."

"And, I don't like someone I don't know trying to pump me for information on my friends."

"Fine, I need coffee anyway. I'll leave you alone."

She watched him limp rather irritably out of the room. She couldn't help but smile at his retreating form. He looked as good from the back as he did from the front. If she wasn't married… Well, it didn't hurt to look.

Emily was still out when the door shut after Dr. Reid. She was so pale; she resembled a marble sculpture in a museum. "He's as hot as you said," she said to Emily. "He really loves you. You should see him. He's about ready to drop. You need to wake up and talk to him or he's going to kill himself worrying about you."

She watched Emily breathe. The rise and fall of her chest began to calm the stark terror she'd felt when Matthew had called her about the drive by. If only Rick were here. She could use his arms around her, and the touch of his lips on her mouth.

She shook her head. It didn't do any good to wish for what she couldn't have for another three months. God, she hoped he was okay.

"Emily, you need to wake up. You've got a man that desperately loves you right here. Don't push him away because you're afraid. You need someone in your life that will love you for who you are, and from what you told me, he's the one."

"Do you remember that night we sat up after that storm knocked out the power. We only had one candle in the dorm, and no heat. We huddled together under that quilt my mother made for me and talked about the kind of man we wanted. Well, I found the right one in Rick. Dr. Reid seems to fit everything you wanted. Why are you resisting?"

Emily just lay there, so Elaine pulled her chair up closer to the right side of the bed and reached out for her hand. It was warm when she clasped it. She squeezed it tight. "He's just like you told me he would be. You were right about his eyes, they're deadly. You should thank your lucky stars I happen to love Rick as much as you love this Dr. Reid or -"

Emily's hand squeezed hers tight. Her eyes flicked up to see Emily's eyes fluttering open as though they were trying to push back all the weight of the world.

"Spencer," she croaked in a whisper.

"He's not here."

Emily's eyes widened, blinked, and closed again.

"Don't worry, he'll be back." Elaine moved up and kissed Emily's forehead. "You scared the hell out of us."

Her voice cracked and tears seeped out of the corners of her eyes. "What the hell would I do without you?"

"Elaine?"

Emily's eyes stopped fluttering. She pinned them on Elaine and swallowed hard. "Hurts. What happened to me?"

"I'll get the nurse."

The door opened and a man Elaine had never seen before walked in. He was tall, well-defined, black and extremely good-looking.

"Hello," he said, but his eyes were wary.

"Hi, my name is Elaine. I'm a friend of Emily's," she stuck out a hand.

He took it. "I'm SSA Derek Morgan."

"Oh yes, she's told me all about you too."

He raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Morgan?"

His eyes swept over to Emily and he smiled broadly. "Hey there Prentiss, what the hell you trying to do? You scared us."

"Sorry, don't remember what happened."

He took her free hand as Reid came back in with a steaming cup of coffee. He stopped short at the sight of Morgan and Elaine could see he wasn't happy that the other man was there. All the color drained from his face when he saw Emily awake and staring at him.

"Emily."

Elaine couldn't help but smirk at how Dr. Reid's voice squeaked.

"Hey man, are you still here?"

"Yeah, I said I would stay. Why are you here? You're supposed to be going after the men that sh - I mean did this."

He gestured with the coffee and it almost spilled over his fingers.

"We got them Reid. They were after Agent Stryker. Apparently, he was about to take down the better part of their operation with his task force. The raid was set for today. They decided to take him out instead. Emily was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I can't believe Organized Crime was so sloppy."

"Well, they're not happy about it or that Garcia hacked into their supposedly secure system and pulled out all the details about the undercover ops. Their Unit Chief is boiling mad, but the Director is out for Stryker's blood. He was supposed to be keeping a low profile."

Elaine watched the entire exchange with Emily from her seat. Dr. Reid went back to his seat, sitting down with a hiss.

"You okay man."

"I'm fine.

Morgan put a hand on his shoulder. "You look like hell man. It's over, go home. Everyone except Hotch will be here soon to take over."

Elaine watched the internal struggle that the others didn't seem to see. She flicked her eyes at Emily who'd listened to this Morgan without a word. She wanted to stop Dr. Reid from leaving, but Elaine could see she didn't know how to without blowing her secret. Elaine wanted to laugh. It was like their own soap opera.

Reid broke the standoff by getting up and limping out of the room without so much as a goodbye.

"What's wrong with him?"

Morgan directed the question to her. "I don't know. I just got here right before Emily woke up. I don't know what's going on."

"Emily, what is going on?"

The door opened again and another man and two women poured in like sand through a sieve.

"I thought they only allowed two people in here at a time," said the other man.

"Emily needs her friends," said one of the blonde women who wore a very colorful outfit and carried a few balloons and a small teddy bear in her arms. "Here you go my dove," she said to Emily after kissing her cheek.

"Hello," the second blonde woman greeted Elaine.

"This is my friend, Elaine."

Emily croaked out introductions of the rest of the team. Elaine greeted them all. "I better go," she said after meeting Garcia, Rossi and JJ. "It's nice to meet you. I'll see you later Emily."

She tried to indicate that she would try to catch up with Dr. Reid if he were still in the building without making it obvious. Emily nodded and smiled. "I'll see you soon."

Elaine hurried out of the room, down the hallway to the elevator. She waited long enough for it to arrive, to be sure that Dr. Reid would be gone when she got to the first floor, and even though the hospital was huge and there were many places he could be, she knew he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n hey all, thank you so much for your continued support. There's one more chapter after this._**

He couldn't figure out what to do with his hands. They wouldn't stay still in his lap as he rode with Rossi to the hospital. He should've driven his car, at least he'd have something to do instead of sitting there looking out the window and trying to keep his hands still.

"Calm down Reid. You're going to give yourself a heart attack."

"Did you know that it's possible to slow your heart rate to the point where it's undetectable?"

Rossi stopped at a red light and glanced over at his passenger. "I'd say you don't have to worry about that. I'm guessing you blood pressure is through the roof right now."

"Actually, blood pressure and heart rate are two different things. Blood pressure is the pressure exerted by circulating blood upon the walls of blood vessels, and is one of the principal vital signs. When used without further specification, "blood pressure" usually refers to the arterial pressure of the systemic circulation. During each heartbeat, blood pressure varies between a maximum (systolic) and a minimum (diastolic) pressure. The blood pressure in the circulation is principally due to the pumping action of the heart.

Heart rate on the other hand, is the number of heartbeats per unit of time, typically expressed as _beats per minute._ Heart rate can vary as the body's need to absorb oxygen and excrete carbon dioxide changes, such as during exercise or sleep."

Rossi accelerated as Reid wound down from his nervous babble. "Thank you for everything you always wanted to know about heart rate and blood pressure, but were afraid to ask."

"Sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous."

"A little nervous, really, I had no idea."

"You're the one that insisted on driving me out to the hospital."

"That's because you had no intention of visiting on your own."

Rossi passed a slow moving truck and changed lanes. The truck's horn blatted irritably at him. He turned right and slowed as the speed limit dipped to thirty miles per hour.

"I was going to see her."

"Reid, you play poker don't you?"

"Of course I do. You've seen me on the jet a hundred times."

"Then you must know all about tells."

Reid shifted in his seat and looked out the window. "Yes."

"You have your own tells and one of them is that you babble when you're nervous or excited."

"Why are you telling me? You're not supposed to point out tells."

"No, you're not supposed to point out tells, but you're not my poker opponent, Agent Reid. You're my friend. I know all about your situation with Emily. I'm taking you there now so you can talk to her without Garcia and the rest of the team hovering around."

"It's seven in the morning on Saturday. I was sleeping."

"Don't take that tone with me. Life is too short. I don't want you to have the kind of regrets I live with every day."

He finally pulled into the parking lot at Georgetown University Hospital and drove around to visitor parking.

"If you'd bothered to ask me," Reid hissed through his teeth. "You would have discovered that I planned on visiting Emily today. I've already talked to my dad and he convinced me to let go of my doubts about Emily."

Rossi stopped in the act of getting out of his car. "You talked to you father about Emily Prentiss?"

"Yes… We spent Christmas together. I talked to both my parents and they both basically told me to stop letting life pass me by."

Rossi threw back his head and laughed. "Well, I think you finally managed to surprise me."

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Emily reached over to the little table on wheels next to her bed. Two days had passed since she'd woken to find everyone around her expect for Spencer .Even though they'd given her something to help her sleep, she'd woken at six that morning unable to go back to sleep.

Elaine had brought her some essentials from home, including her favorite robe, and her I pod. She only allowed herself a few minutes of music per day because there was nowhere to charge it. She turned it on to random play, and closed her eyes as one of her favorite classical pieces for violin began to play. It even helped quiet the turmoil in her head. Spencer was the only thing she thought of even when her parents had come to see her. They were supportive, but also quietly disapproving of her life.

She sighed. If only she hadn't agreed to go out with Stryker. She wouldn't be in this hospital bed. She'd be in her own bed. It was funny how life changed your perspective. Despite making the mistake to go out with that over-confident lout, she'd realized how important Reid was to her. _Oh God, please don't let it be too late. _

He hadn't been back to see her since she'd woken up. She'd had to endure having Garcia, JJ and Morgan around in shifts. Hotch had visited only once, but he had Jack to look after. She was never as glad for Jack as she was in the last two days. She could tell from looking at Hotch that he knew something. It was there in his eyes.

He said during his only visit, "Prentiss, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. I just know that after losing Haley, that life is short. I'll never have the opportunity to make it up to her. You can have something exceptional with Reid. Don't let your fears, or even FBI policy get in the way of happiness."

To say she'd been surprised with his reaction was an understatement. He'd seemed to take it well when she didn't respond to his comments on her personal life.

She turned over to her right side and sighed. She supposed a nurse would be in soon for vitals or something. Another few days in this place and she was going to go nuts. At least the team had found the ones responsible for putting her there. Of course, Stryker had escaped without a scratch. Maybe she'd have Garcia do something to make him sorry he'd ever met Emily Prentiss.

She was smiling at that thought when someone touched her hand. Her eyes flew open in surprise to see Reid standing there. He looked much better than he had, but there was something in his eyes that sent her heart fluttering.

"How are you?"

They both spoke at the same time. Reid actually smiled and she smirked up at him. "I'm fine," they said in unison.

"Wait," Emily held up a hand. "Why don't we start over? Good morning."

"Good morning."

He sat in the chair next to her bed, and stretched out his bad leg with a loud groan.

"Sure you're okay," Emily said with disapproval. "Why won't you take something for the pain?"

"I didn't come here to talk about my leg."

She set aside her I pod, but played with the ear buds nervously as he stared at her. His eyes had changed and she could see the love, naked in them for her. No one had ever looked at her like that and it made her palms sweat.

"Why did you come?"

"I'm sorry I stayed away. I needed time to think."

She swallowed past the lump that came into her throat and made her eyes sting so that she had to blink them hard or risk tears.

"What did you think about?"

"I thought about us, and about what happened that night."

"Spencer I -"

"Please just let me say this without interruption."

She nodded as her hands twisted in the light blue sheet covering her up to her waist. The moment was now, and there was no going back even if she had no idea how it was going to work.

"I was ready after Christmas with my parents, to talk to you about how I've come to feel about you. Then, Rossi called me that you were shot and I thought I'd lost my chance forever. I was so angry at you for how you treated me."

"I'm so sorry, Spencer I -"

"I said I need to say this. I love you Emily. I have for a very long time. I was scared and angry, but what happened to you made me realize that life is short. I don't care if you don't love me the way I want. I'll get over it. I just want you to know that I care and -"

She reached over and grabbed his hand. She squeezed it so hard he tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. "Shut up and hear me, Spencer Reid. I do love you the way you want me too. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was afraid."

"Why?"

His frank question and his lost puppy expression made her want to smack him. "Why? Because I've never loved anyone the way, I love you. I've never felt so much in tune with someone as I did that night we had. I didn't know what to do with those feelings."

He pushed back his hair behind one ear, a gesture that nearly broke her heart. "Don't you think I had those same feelings? I'm scared too."

"I truly am sorry I hurt you so badly. Hotch told me that life is short and I needed to grab hold of what I can. I'd like for that to be you, if that's okay."

"I want that too."

She raised his hand to her lips and kissed it. He grinned at her. "Does that mean that we're done fighting?"

"I hope so."

He sobered and pulled his hand out of her grasp. "Emily, I really want to work things out, but I don't know what to do from here. I don't have much experience."

"I think you're doing just fine."

He rubbed at his knee. "Why don't we just go out for dinner or something? When you get out of here," he added with a slow smile."

"I think that's a very good idea."

She expected him to smile again, but he just sat there and refused to meet her eyes. In fact, his face was slowly going rosy pink in the cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I was thinking - um, well I don't know how, oh boy, I can't believe -"

"Hey," she said firmly. "Look at me, Spencer."

His eyes finally met her gaze. "I ah, wanted to ask if it was okay with you if we didn't um… Oh man."

She bit the inside of her mouth so the laughter, threatening to pour out like champagne at New Years' Eve, didn't make him feel worse. "I think I get what you're trying to say. I promise we won't have sex again until your okay with it. "

His face was scarlet, but he nodded in relief. "Emily, I hope you know that -"

"It's okay, baby. I love you. Sex isn't everything."

He burst out laughing as though he'd been holding it in for years. "Yeah… I guess it isn't everything.

_**A/n2 the Reid ramble about blood pressure and heart rate is quoted directly from Wikipedia...**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n here's the last chapter. Thank you all for your support and your kind words. As always, my eternal appreciation to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC who's also my friend and the best sounding board I have. Thank you my friend. _**

"Are you sure this is okay?"

Emily surveyed the room in front of her with avid eyes. "Of course it's okay. In fact, it's better than okay."

"I just thought that maybe you'd wanna to go somewhere else."

She turned and grabbed his tie to yank him forward for a long, slow, wet kiss. "I don't want to go anywhere else," she informed him. "I just want to be alone with my new husband."

She wasn't sure if it was the kiss, or her use of the word husband, but Spencer suddenly resembled someone knocked upside the head with a rock.

"You alright, Spencer."

He shook his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm not used to that word yet."

Emily tugged him over to the couch if front of the fireplace. "What word is that?"

He rolled his eyes. "Husband, we got married exactly six hours, ten minutes and twenty-seven seconds ago. I'm just not used to it yet," he repeated.

She curled up next to him and watched the flames crackle and sizzle orange and red. Shadows jumped against the walls and the floor covered with oval shaped throw rugs in different shades of brown and green.

"Does that mean I can count on you to never forget our anniversary?"

"Why would I forget?"

She laughed at his truly perplexed expression. "A lot of men forget."

"Oh, well I'm not going to forget. I love you," he announced.

"Good, then I won't have to get mad every year."

She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. It was so quiet in this cabin compared to living in the city. The silence was so calming she barely felt the beat of her heart.

"I'm glad we came up here," she said.

He reached over and ran one fingertip down her face. "I'm so excited you said yes when I asked you to marry me. I'm the happiest man in the world."

She turned, pushed him over on his back and straddled him. "If I had said no to you, it would've been the stupidest thing I've ever done."

She stared down into his eyes, which were deep chocolate brown in the light of the fire. None of the pleading puppy looked up at her, instead they smoldered with a desire so hot, she felt singed by the heat.

His lips were soft and warm and they tasted like coffee. He trapped her tongue and sucked until she couldn't breathe and her heart stuttered painfully. Her hands slid up and down his torso. She pulled the light pink shirt he wore out of his slacks and touched the skin of his long, lean torso.

"Emily."

"Hm…"

"Stop for a minute, please."

"What's wrong?"

He sat up, and hugged her close. "I have something I want to give you before we -"

"Before we what, Spencer, consummate our marriage."

His cheeks were pink, but she didn't know if it was the heat of the fire burning between them or the heat in the room from the literal flames in the fireplace.

"Yeah, I guess so."

He pushed away from her and hurried out of the room. She watched him leave with appreciation for his newly developed backside. He'd cut his hair for the wedding and she remembered how he'd looked in his black tuxedo.

"Here it is," he carried a flat, square package wrapped in brown paper. "I didn't have time to wrap this properly."

He put in on the couch and stood watching her like everything depended on her opinion. She ripped off the paper and gaped at the framed, charcoal drawing. "It's me."

"H-hey, I'm to only one allowed to s-squeak," he stuttered.

"Oh, baby, it's wonderful."

Her eyes swept over the drawing he'd done of her from the neck up. Everything was rendered in exquisite detail. She never thought he could draw like that. He'd made her beautiful.

"Thank you." She put it aside and jumped up to kiss him.

"You really like it?"

"Of course I do."

He tried to kiss her again, but she pushed him away. "Give me ten minutes and meet me in the bed room."

He waited the ten minutes, and it was the longest ten minutes of his life. His imagination worked overtime thinking about what Emily might be doing, so that by the time, the ten minutes were up and she called out to him, his heart was going so fast he felt lightheaded and giddy.

His hand shook as he reached out to push open the door to the bedroom and he stopped short at sight of several lit candles that filled the room with golden light. The light caressed Emily who knelt in the middle of the bed. She wore a see through, light purple robe that barely touched the tops of her thighs. He could see the matching thong under the robe, and nothing covering her breasts. Her nipples strained against the material.

"See something you like, husband," she purred.

Her dark hair was down around her shoulders and her skin glowed in the light. Her fathomless eyes held a challenge that he couldn't pass up even if he wanted to.

"I think you're way overdressed," she pouted a breathless little voice that made him so hard it hurt.

He kicked off his shoes and removed the rest of his clothing, except for his boxers. "Hey, what's with the boxers? Now I have to go to the trouble of taking them off."

"I thought that since you're wearing that," he pointed at her 'outfit' as he climbed on the bed and knelt in front of her. "That I could wear these for just a little longer. You look like an angel."

"You're so sweet."

He noticed she'd brushed her teeth and put on more of the spicy perfume he really liked. "What's next?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"I just mean, what do you want me to do?"

She took one of his hands and guided it to one breast. "Why don't you touch me?"

He toppled her over on her back and stared down at eyes that had captured him as effectively as a bird in a cage, but it was a cage that he didn't mind. One trembling hand slid up under the little robe she wore and began stroking one hard nipple. "I like the way you feel. You're so warm," he squeaked.

"I like the way you touch me."

He pulled the ribbon that tied the robe together and kissed her belly. One hand pulled off the thong she wore and his tongue slid down to lick and suck between her parted thighs. She gasped and tangled her hands into his short wavy hair. He didn't feel the sharp little tugs of pain in his scalp because he'd never tasted anything like the wet heat he explored.

The musky taste of her skin and the texture of that small bundle of nerves excited his senses until tasting her, and caressing her with his tongue was the only thing in the world for long minutes. He even ceased to hear her moans of pleasure and her crying out his name.

When her muscles tightened in climax, the rush of fluid from her surprised him into an orgasm that actually hurt it was so powerful. He sat up, dizzy and breathless from the sheer pain of pleasure in his gut. Emily's breasts heaved as she breathed and he couldn't take his eyes off her body.

"Wow," she finally said.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"I don't know, I've never done it before," he admitted.

She sat up stunned, "I don't believe it!"

"It's true. I just wanted to taste you so badly and I remembered how much I liked what you did to me the first time we were together. I wanted to return the favor."

"I'd say you're a quick study."

"Thanks, but I'm going to need a few minutes. In fact, I need to visit the bathroom. I'll be back."

He scrambled off the bed and hurried out of the room. It was so nice to see him moving without a cane or a limp.

She threw her little robe to the floor and got into the bed. It was so funny that he thought he needed to ask for permission to go to the bathroom and that having an unplanned orgasm, embarrassed him. She was sober by the time he exited without his boxers and climbed in with her.

She hugged him tight and picked up the hand that wore the ring she'd had specially engraved for him. The gold of the band winked in the light of the candles and she smiled. "I love you so much, Spencer Reid. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I heartily agree with you."

He kissed her so chastely it was as if they'd just met. His arms clasped her tightly so that their bodies fit together as if they were meant for each other.

"Thank you for bringing me here."

He kissed her forehead and then moved down to her neck. "I just wanted you all to myself."

She pushed him away. "Hey, I know how much this place means to you. I'm happy you shared it with me."

His eyes reflected the light from the candles, but the pain of Gideon leaving wasn't there anymore. There was only happiness and it made her smile.

"I feel like I've finally stopped feeling badly that Gideon left. I know he did what he had to do. I only hope that I never lose you the way he did Sarah."

"You're never going to lose me because I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay."

"Good, because I'd die if you went away like that."

She pulled him down, and by the time the sun rose in a riot of pink, purple and rose, she had convinced him with her body and her soul, that she'd never leave him alone.

_**THE END**_


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